Up and Down

I’m beginning to live the life that most people live!! I’m currently at Wetherspoons drinking pints of IPA at £1.49 a pint! So what if the business model is appalling and the food is fucking awful! I can get wasted and fed on £20! To drink was decided upon by a whim. I am on the crest of that wave and I’m going to fill the time with getting drunk! I may meet some nice people here and have a good laugh or I may be another of those sad singlys that I’ve just spotted dotted around the place…… all on their phones pretending they have a life! Who cares, anything other than my bedroom that continues to taunt me with its absolute maelstrom of clothes and shoes! Will I get home safely who knows? I’ve slept in ditches before, too drunk to remember where I lived, too drunk to even remember my name. Tonight is an adventure and I know that I should have taken the chances before and risked everything. I’ve been so intent on being ill that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to actually go out and not care what people think. To briefly forget my problems and just live for the moment is fucking brilliant! Of course doing this every night of the week is not healthy both from a physical and mental point of view. Am I becoming a binge drinker? Who cares! I’m conscious of the fact that each pint is about 300 cals so I’m going to limit myself to just 1500 of them! I wish I was in better company than my own but I will learn to live with being happy in my own company. Sometimes my anxiety is crippling and there’s no way I’d go anywhere as public as a pub on my own. I guess I’m getting better, regaining my old confidence, the old me beginning to shine through! If if takes 10 pints to regain, then the old me can live with that, at least for a while!

Still celibate. Still growing. Still changing