Day 9 with no food and another awful night despite mirtazapine, amitriptyline and nytol. I took all of that at 10 and was awake by 1 then every hour until 6 this morning. There are cases of people going without food for 2 months but with irreparable damage done to their bodies. The body changes its metabolism in order to adjust for the lack of food. I don’t think I am anywhere near starvation yet, I think I have a BMI of about 23 which is good for someone of my height. I still have a belly but my arms legs face and bottom have all changed. I suppose my body is now in the ketosis stage where the body relies on fat stores to create ketones for energy. Once the fat is gone the body then starts on the muscles. I simply don’t want to eat. I have two protein shakes a day with almond milk (which I will have to change as the damage to bees is awful). I take loads of vitamins and organic apple cider vinegar, turmeric and ginger and green tea. All of these are designed to increase the metabolism in order to lose weight. I don’t do any cardio but just do weights and press ups. I can do 30 in one go now…..maybe Im a bit stronger but I think its because I am a lot lighter. All of my aches and pains have gone, I spring up off the sofa rather than taking 20 minutes to warm up. My knackered ankle is a lot better and apart from the dizziness I feel a lot better than I did before all of this happened. I know all of this is wrong, I know a good diet is crucial for physical and mental health. Its very odd that I feel so good when I know what Im doing is bloody stupid. I keep buying food but cant eat it once its cooked and when I do have a mouthful I feel guilty about even trying to eat. I keep thinking that if I start to eat I will get fat again and that was a major problem for my self image in the last few months before that Friday.
In other news. I havent slept in my bed for months now. Ive got into the nasty habit of sleeping on my couch. I am 6.2 and my couch is about 5.8 so there is an overhang of approximately 6 inches. My now bony bottom aches and I quite often wake with my legs resting on the end of the sofa completely numb. I used to read to get to sleep but now rely on tv progams to help me. I watch the same thing over and over, either Southpark or Father Ted. I know all the episodes word for word and the monotony of these shows helps me switch off. So I need to start eating. I need to get back into my bed and I need to start getting out of the house more than I am doing. Mentally and physically I need to move out of this flat as soon as possible.
Its not all doom and gloom. Funny story Number 2.
A right of passage in the Army is to go AWOL, or Absent Without Ordered Leave. I was granted leave for 1 week and simply didn’t want to go back. I had overstayed my leave and my father took me to the station and put me on the London bound train. Once on the train I decided I still didn’t want to go back and got off at Colchester. I had no plan other than to keep walking somewhere. I think I got about 5 miles outside of Colchester and thought bugger this I’ll get a train. So I traipsed back to the station and waited on one of the many platforms there. It was about 1 or 2 in the morning and there were no trains coming in. What I did see was a train loaded with cars. The first car I tried and the door opened, I had a quick look down the platform, chucked my bag in and hopped into the passenger seat. My intention was to sleep in the back of the car and have a bit of a think and plan my next move. I got into the back and laid down for a bit of a kip. I was woken soon after by a sudden jolt and the realisation that the stationary car I was in was moving. Well this was turning into a real adventure. I got into the front passenger seat turned on the interior light and started to read my book. It was all very homely, puffing on a Benson and Hedges and drinking coke. I was incredibly happy to be warm and safe travelling through the Essex countryside to who knew where. It was at Manningtree where the train slowed at the small station there. I do remember waving at a waiting car from the comfort of my little car, the look of amazement on the chaps face was so funny as I went on my merry way. Eventually we drew into Harwich station and I thought great I can get to Holland and wander about there for a few days. Unfortunately they were driving the cars off the train and not as I foolishly thought straight onto the ferry. So I packed my bag got out of the car and walked past a guy in his fluorescent jacket and said ‘Morning’. He had seen me alight from my exclusive transport but didn’t say a word as I walked into Harwich station. I then bunked a lift to Ipswich and finally got to Stowmarket Station early in the morning. I walked the 7 miles back to my village and I ended up camping in the woods at the back of my parents house with my own little shelter and campfire. I used to sneak into the village to see my girlfriend but eventually got fed up with the wild lifestyle and gave myself up to my parents. I eventually returned to barracks and was arrested and put in the guardroom jail for the weekend.
Monday morning I was quick marched into the Squadron Leaders office for ‘orders’. My Squadron Leader was Major ‘Taggy’ Ted Barclay. He looked like he had stepped out of the pages of Punch or a Dickens novel. Very tall with dirty blond hair and a permanent red nose from too much drinking, he looked at me in silence for a few minutes. ‘Well Grant what have you got to say for yourself?’ he asked leaning back in his chair and rubbing his hands together. ‘Don’t know Sir, fancied a change Sir’ I nervously replied. His face seemed to grow redder and I could sense that the corporal stood next to me was as worried as I was. ‘Grant’ he said, ‘Queens Regulations state that the correct punishment for going absent without leave is one month in jail with loss of pay’. I had only gone over my leave for about four days! I was scared, the corporal was scared, I waited for Major Teds summary. ‘Personally Grant’ he continued, ‘If it were up to me, I would tie you to the main gates and have you horsewhipped! However, as we live in these more modern liberal times I am not allowed to do so. Therefore, you can go to jail for 5 days. Get him out of here Corporal!’
I spent the next 5 days in regimental jail, mopping floors and making tea and generally having a nice time. No mucking out horses or riding around the west end of London half asleep at 6 in the morning. No cleaning of all the ceremonial kit and my own room! Major Ted was a great chap and I ended up in HQ Squadron in Germany as his driver/radio operator in an old Sultan command vehicle. With no word of a lie I once heard him over the radio, request a firing squad for someone else that had upset him. I only wish that I knew then what I know now. It was all a just a big game with the same jokes told by different people.
Hope that’s cheered some of you up, My life has many funny moments in it so stay tuned!
Picture was taken in 2017 when I was getting fit and strong again. Shortly after this I ended up in hospital!
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