We built our sandcastles on an incoming tide
When the wind whipped up a storm
We were swept along by the raging currents
And blinded by the sand flying from the dunes
Once the storm had passed
What was left but an empty long lonely beach
Salt racked foam flying on the easy breeze
Strong Enough to carry it away inland and
To be caught on the sharp gorse, trapped
Not everything I have loved is lost, but I have lost a major part of my future. I will have to take stock of my life, reset and go again. Even if it seems like it’s for nothing I hope it’s for something, without hope what else is there?
It should have been so so simple. Two people who loved each very much live happily ever after but we both messed it up. What a terrible waste of emotion for both of us. What a modern day Shakespearean tragedy.
I almost feel guilty about feeling better. By feeling better I’m moving further away from her and I don’t want to. Part of me is clinging to all the good bits, the times we laughed and smiled and held hands and were both full of hope.
Your value doesn’t decrease based upon someone’s inability to see your worth.
Dracula. Love never dies.
I used to love the way your hair fell across your face. The way we cuddled for hours and hours and those deep sighs of contentment. I still struggle so much with how it ended so badly when we loved each other so much. I sometimes wonder if it was all a mad dream and that neither of us had any intention of getting married. I was very serious about marrying her.
I’m at the hospital today for something very minor but I walked past the unit I was put in after my suicide attempt. It wasn’t a pleasant experience remembering why I had been there and brought it all flooding back.
I have recently been reminded of the inherent goodness in people. It’s very easy to think that people in general are horrible selfish creatures but acts of kindness shown to me by four people in particular have restored my faith. I won’t name them but they know who they are. Thankyou!
I continue to lose weight and ‘firm’ up ooer!! A lovely jacket and t shirts bought for me by two of my children now fit again and I’m wearing them today. It feels strange without my beard. People say I look younger but I can’t see it myself. I grew the beard to hide away and hide my face. I catch sight of me in a mirror and think shit who’s that!! I will no doubt grow it back at the end of December.
The Epping Christmas event is still going ahead. I am hoping to be allowed to do my panto dame. I love dressing up as a woman ( for theatrical purposes!) as I can be outrageous and get away with it! It’s goi g to be strange and sad not to be able to interact with the public. My Christmas has become Epping Christmas and it means as much to me as the small kids who visit the event.
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