Moving on Up!

I’m getting better and better everyday. There are occasions when I find myself wasting my time and emotions on people and events that never deserved those two precious things in the first place. I am a nice person. I have been ill. I am getting better. I have a future and I have aspirations and I have hope.

I was invited to spend the weekend away in Herefordshire with two strangers who quickly became friends. We spent the weekend talking about film, actors, acting, life, relationships and everything in between.

I started to help build the set for the film that I’m going to be in (albeit briefly!) and also made friends with two large dogs. For the first time in months I felt at peace. Whether it’s the drugs working or an acceptance of what’s happened or both I don’t know. For long moments I felt like I was the person I was supposed to be all those years ago. I could hold a conversation. I was confident and hopeful, not morose and sad. I was doubtful whether I would even go, and even 2.5 hours into the 3.5 hour journey I thought about turning back. I told myself that I wouldn’t stay the night but ended up with the best nights sleep I’ve had in months. The people I met made me feel so welcome and were so understanding that I felt no pressure to be anyone else but myself. It’s to their credit that I could feel like that again so soon.

There is a plan to get a show reel done and some headshots and I may even have an agent if I’m any good at this acting lark! So much to aim for with this and the Horrible Histories thing and hopefully me becoming a peer support worker. Even though I’m not working I have lots to do. I’m now looking at costume for my character, I have lots of prop guns to paint and I’m actually excited and impatient again!!

I have a meeting with a psychologist tomorrow. An actual face to face meeting with a live person. We will still be wearing masks which makes it very difficult to talk about emotions when you can’t see someone’s face properly. I am very interested to see what she makes of me! I have wasted my time talking too much when I should have listened. I have remained silent when I should have spoken out. I am learning new things every day. Make sure you have an amazing week and remember to try and make one persons day a little better!