You would have thought that by reading about a few of the things that have happened to me I would have ended up a better person.
Life isn’t like a movie, you don’t spring up from your near death bed and shout ‘Taroo talay! I’m going to be a different person from this day forth!’
The popular saying ‘What doesnt kill you makes you stronger‘ is complete nonsense.
Every time your body is damaged you lose a little bit of your strength and resilience. Mentally and physically you become less and less after each illness. After each flare up or accident, your old self starts to disappear. Eventually you become your illness, you wear it like a cloak and welcome it’s warmth. It’s an excuse for not trying too hard. You begin to rely on your ill health and blame your mistakes and anger and life choices on anyone that gets in the way.
Dont get me wrong. I’ve been fighting ill health all of my life but there does come a point when you start to give up on yourself and everything around you. Even after my suicide attempt there was no Eureka moment. No signs from God or any wondrous revelation appeared before me. Am I beginning to learn from my life experience? I think that I am starting to make sense of some of it. It’s going to take hard work and determination to become the person I am supposed to be. Free from self doubt, anger, confusion and hate.
I am done leaning on my mental crutch of excuses. It’s time to fight back on every single front, both physically and mentally.
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