Hello everyone. After a few bad days I feel like Ive gone up another level. The graph is rising towards the top and it seems like I am getting better. I am expecting some more troughs along the way but in general I can say that I am recovering. Not only am I recovering from years of depression but I am beginning to understand what happened on that Friday. Once I can understand it I can then talk to my children and perhaps explain to them why I did it. It wont be easy but I have to start somewhere. Im very lucky that my children are beautiful people and have beautiful souls.
I am still triggered by what I read. I follow Andys Mans Club on Facebook. I was reading it this morning and there was a post of not to end your life. That was bad enough but there was a comment from a mother who had lost a son to suicide. She said that going through all of his things there was nothing there that couldnt have been sorted by her and the family. There was nothing there that he should have gone through alone. I was sat here crying for a good while. As a failed suicide I can state that you will never talk to anyone about your problems because you feel they have become too large for anyone to cope with. You just want it all to stop.
There has been no eureka moment or an epiphany, but I have taught myself a harsh lesson and I believe that I am still here for a reason.
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