https://youtu.be/lrcNnIV6FV8
I think I am almost ready to say goodbye to her and move forward into another different life. I won’t write about what went wrong and what happened during those tempestuous months. The further away I travel, the more I look upon those times with rose tinted spectacles. I also now realise that my earlier writings were far too raw and one sided. No one will ever know how much I loved her, nor will they ever understand why I still continued to do so. That story is between me and her if she ever thinks back to those days. Give me another year and she will have faded into the distance. Those memories will occasionally make me smile when I think of her running after a football in high heels. They will occasionally make me sad when I think of the time she wasn’t there when I needed her the most. I will never understand the enmity, hatred and hostility that I received after our break up. She will never understand what she really meant to me and she will never understand that I had been mentally ill for months before I ended both our relationship and my life. It is tragic that two people so much in love could end up so far apart.
I have no interest in the opposite sex or indeed sex in general. I cannot see a time where I will ever be in a long term relationship ever again. I told her that this is it for me. My last chance at settling down and being happy, but my illness got in the way, amongst other things. We broke each others hearts. I will be free of her one day. Give me time.
You will get there, my sweet. You need to heal from many things. Be patient with yourself. You can't control her reactions on the situation or her anger now. That's hers to work through. Concentrate on you. Change is never easy, and even more with everything you have to work through. But look at where you are, the life lessons you've learned, the insights you gathered. The strenght you've found. You did that! You alone. Yes you get help from so many people and that is a beautiful thing. But in the end you have to be willing to do the work. You have to find that love for yourself, the will to change and survive, so you can heal…