Don’t Panic!

Morning everyone. I’m still here kicking and screaming ( not literally but almost! )

To those that have never suffered from depression and anxiety and panic attacks consider yourself very lucky.

I have been trying to concentrate on my future but it is extremely hard to do so when the anxiety and panic sets in. I never used to believe there was any such thing and I thought people used it as an excuse. Let me describe it to you if I can.....

Your mind begins to wander or you see or hear something that triggers memories. The feeling starts at your feet, like a hot glow and then travels up your legs where it swirls around your stomach for a while. You have no strength whatsoever and feel nauseous. The panic goes to your chest where your heart is doing somersaults, the heat travels to the back of your neck and down your arms leaving you utterly defenceless. Then when you think it’s over it’s starts again.... rolling on over and over for hours. Your brain is trying to work out what is happening and is dumping tons of adrenaline into your body to cope with the ‘fight or flight’ response. Hour after hour waves and waves of weakness and confusion and nausea with nothing to do to get rid of the fear and excess adrenaline. It truly is horrific.

Not only are you dealing with the depression, you are you trying your best to escape it’s grip and move on but are dragged back with the never ending attacks.

It’s frightening to go through it and the above doesn’t really explain the sheer panic of trying to deal with a brain and body in such utter conflict and confusion with itself.

I am trying another new med to go with my mirtazapin and vensir. It’s called fluanxol and I’m getting it later today.

I have managed to eat again so that’s twice in one day but it’s not enough. I am still disappearing it seems.

Hope you lot are ok and thanks for the lovely comments.