BLACK BOX!

You would think that the pills we are given to help in the fight against depression would be perfectly safe. It couldnt be further from the truth. I wonder how many of us read the smallprint when we rip open the packet to pop our first pill? How many of us know of the side effects of these pills? I started taking mirtazipine on the 18th December 2019 as I knew I was already in the grip of depression. I should have gone to the doctors way back in May but like a typical bloke thought I would soldier on and get on with it. Its the way I had always done it. Hide it all away, dont tell anyone and soldier on. In the process you begin to alienate people, including those closet to you. Those that love you become confused because you haven't told them what you are going through. To them you are just miserable and fed up and you push them away. You stop talking completely at times and the sharks eyes come down and you shut yourself away.

So you think to yourself, Im in danger of getting really bad here. I need to do something quick. Off to the doctors and Im given 30mg of mirtazapine. I quickly scanned the side effects and noted irritability, anger, suicidal thoughts amongst others. I thought nothing of it and popped the pill.

Looking back it is now quite clear that the pill was having some serious side affects. I was irritable, I was forgetting things and I was getting angry with everything and everyone. I didnt tell anyone what was happening because at the time I didnt know myself. I assumed that the anger and all the other emotions and problems were the depression and not the pill.

I have had problems with my mental health all my life and apart from one small glitch at the age of 18 I had never really planned on going ahead with my suicide. I got worse and worse and got ill over the Christmas period (with what I think was CV19 ). By mid January I was planning my suicide and I was still taking the wonderful pill. Thankfully I had the sense to go to the doctors and tell them what was happening. I was then admitted to the special hotel. I truly believe that it was mirtazapine that led me there and ultimately led me to the full on suicide attempt on the 12th June. When I left my first hotel I was feeling so bad that I self prescribed myself 60mg of the drug when 40mg was the maximum. I was desperate to hang onto what I had, and thought that if I took more of it I would get better quicker and save my relationship. I had no idea that I was slowly poisoning myself. My stupidity, desperation and overdosing led me to the attempt on my life on the 12th June. 7 months down the road I am still on mirtazapine. I have told the doctors I want to come off them many times and hopefully the psychiatrist can recommend something else.

Vensir doesnt sound too good either! Loss of libido, confusion, irritability, Strange dreams, suicidal thoughts, anxiousness etc etc. Both Vensir and Mirtazapine carry Black Box warnings which means that there is an increased risk of suicidal thoughts or actions. I suppose I have learnt my lesson the hardest way I could have. In my attempt to hang onto something, I nearly lost everything. Dont blindly follow orders like my Stormtrooper! Always read that bit of paper that comes with your pills. Always question the doctors if you are not happy and never ever self prescribe yourself.