I have had a few really bad days. The utter helplessness when in the grip of a panic attack is truly frightening. You have absolutely no idea what to do to stop it. I’ve always considered myself a man that can make split second decisions and take control when I needed to. I’ve done so many times and have always been calm and collected. But when it’s your own brain attacking you what the hell are you supposed to do? I was pacing through my flat like a mentally deranged caged bear. Panic attacks last all day and it tires you out. In other news I’ve eaten three small meals in three days and I’m beginning to feel hungry again.
Psychiatrist appointment next week which I’m looking forward to. A good visit from the community health team today.
And a slowly growing realisation that it’s not all my fault and that I am a good kind person, despite the mistakes I have made.
I have looked back to the blogs I started to make and although I have had some terrible days, in general I am on the way to recovery. This will not be a story of an overnight success but will be a long slog towards finally being able to understand my illness and in turn learn how to cope with it. The version of who I want to be is in there somewhere!
Good to know that you realise it isn't all your fault.
How wonderful to read you're doing better! And that's s all you my friend! And believe me I know what a uphill struggle it is! You're doing wonderful!!