Not really a poem as such more of a song lyric or loose collection of thoughts! Its nearly a year since it ended and 10 months since I tried to hang myself. A lots happened since then. I’m still alive and when you think about it what a fucking amazing achievement that is. I’m proud of myself and although I’m on another journey of discovery ( autism? ADHD? Thanks Katy!) my journey is definitely one of hope and in the end a story of understanding and redemption, at least I hope so.
I’m going to sleep in my bed, I’m rebuilding bridges with my mother that I partially broken down. I’m playing music again. Im looking forward to the summer when I can go and sit in a huge meadow at the museum and play some sweet tunes on my small pipes. My children are all happy and settled and my sister who has been battling her own demons has turned the corner.
Summer is nearly upon us and the daffodils show their butter yellow faces on the verges. The last set I was on a skylark was way up in the sky singing it’s very English tune and then I felt everything will be ok. Regardless of the choices I make, the earth will keep turning and the birds will keep nesting and singing their songs.
My recovery isn’t all sweetness and light I’ve had some pretty dark days on and off. Generally my journey is upward. Football is starting again and I’ve got two films that I’m in to look forward to. Most of all I’m looking forward to making music with a set of small pipes I’ve ordered. God knows where I’ll find the £1500 but if it takes selling a kidney then that’s what I’ll do!!
Have a wonderful weekend and if you can have a listen to Fred Morrisons album Outlands...... he’s the chap that’s designed my pipes. ( anyone wanting that kidney please pm me! Xxx)
Hi, how are you?
I hope you’re keeping well
Keeping warm
And moving on?
Me? I guess I’m ok
Always the same
But in the cold
Standing still
Those lazy Sunday mornings
With the chill air pushing the curtains across the bed
Cold, but feeling the warmth
From your breath
And knowing that beneath
Your tousled wild hair
You were smiling.
At least for a while.
Our walks up the hill
How ironic that the tale
Of the ghost at the mill
Turned out true.
And I was the face in the window
Watching you fly away
To places I could no longer visit
The nights are long
I wonder whose hand you are holding?
Are those lips you are kissing
Are they as sweet as mine?
Do you ever think of me?
Am I even a distant memory
Gone forever from your life
Or was I just a salutary tale
Or a lost opportunity
To save us both?
All the bits and pieces
That you left behind
Are slowly taking shape
And in my mind
We are still together
Holding hands and laughing
Uncontrollably
At some silly word or gesture
It simply wasn’t meant to be
And I tell myself every day
That all will be well
And all will be well
For us both.
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