EDIT 26th June 2021
I suppose I should have pinned this to the top many months ago! For first time readers and visitors you have about 180 blog entries to catch up on!
How does one recover from a silken necktie party? How on earth do you explain to your beautiful children, your friends and family that in the moment you decided to take your own life they didn't matter? How do they take that terrible fact in? Where do you begin to explain how a 53 year old man ended up with a cord around his neck wanting to die? What sort of rough old roads have I travelled to end up in such a desperate condition?
Well, its certainly a very interesting road that I have wandered along. All the wrong turns I have made have all been down to me. I blame no one but myself. Yes I have been unlucky at times but in general you make your own luck. I've been near deaths door 6 times (more on that in future blogs!) so in a way I am lucky to be here.
I am hoping that this exercise in blogging will help me on the next part of my journey. The part of the journey that either ends with me in a care home, smelling faintly of vegetables and old biscuits or with the Grim Reaper finally catching me up in some sudden unlikely accident involving a fairground ride.
It is principally for my own benefit that I am writing this but I hope that my experiences may help someone. I also hope that it will help me understand how it went so bad and I nearly lost everything.
So to those that are still here I can promise absolute honesty humour and maybe some advice to those that find themselves travelling towards that ultimate act of selfishness. It is a deeply personal blog. If you find it uncomfortable or uninteresting I make no apologies, its going to be tough to write. It may be tough to read. Who knows!
If you can carry on writing about your journey, there will be very many who will read it and learn from it. You could already have saved at least one person's life and I'm sure many more will follow.
I am so relieved you are still with us I know it’s a difficult journey as I am going down it myself, I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 17 I’m now 28 and it still doesn’t get any easier, most days are bad but I try to enjoy the good days when I have them, anyway I found your blog and I just read your first post which made me think to myself if you can try to fight this then so can I! I’ve never met you but you sound like an amazing person your so brave sharing this and I really admire you for it we can do this! 💕💕
I can only thank God or the fates for ensuring you are still with us. This is a new beginning for you and for us, we must make sure that we take this opportunity with both hands to rebuild, regroup and go forward. We've lost the foundation of the family, let's not lose the bricks and mortar too. Much love Son, here's to the future ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Well done Mr. G. You’ve made great strides in your recovery, the last week especially. You can do this, and you will!! Xx
I think you have survived for a reason. Maybe you are still to find that out, I wish we could make you feel, how you have made us feel after meeting at cons. All the best Doug