My recovery has been slower than I had hoped for. I’m an impatient man, impulsive and passionate. I don’t like waiting for anything, I’ll never pre order a toy I want!
I have done everything humanly possible to get myself better, starting from my first visit to the doctor to losing 3.5 stone to insisting on help and getting on a 12 month EUPD course. I’ve cried. I’ve raged against the world and gritted my teeth, got up and carried on. I’ve been stubborn, brave, determined, bloody minded, lost and found countless times.
Overhanging all of this was the crippling thought that someone I love very much never cared enough to find out how I was, what happened and how I was progressing over the past two years. There was a reason for silence and a very good one but would I have been braver in those circumstances? To set someone’s tortured soul to rest would have been an act of kindness and possible risk. Real truth is never really seen. Only the truth that is allowed through is the truth you have to act on. That will have to do.
Knowing this now has lifted a painful excruciating weight from my shoulders, my very soul. It is helping in my recovery. I can at last move forward to God knows where with God knows who. I can finally tear myself away from the what ifs and illusions and accept my future that I will forge with well hammered tools. Thank you and I can finally say Goodbye.
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