A cracked cup

It’s into the early hours. I often wake when the birds start their first song and the kind light appears at the window. It is a good time to think, when ideas are fresh and there is a slightly different perspective on the world. It’s as if in those first few moments of waking you are a child again, unable to be disappointed or aware of what the day has in store for you. Any worries or illnesses do not exist in dreams.

It’s in this half light that I begin to think of my journey. From happiness, disaster, illness and victory. It is nearly 2 years since I was found hanging from a rafter. Years in which I have battled mentally and physically to first regain a sense of equilibrium, and then start on the road of awareness and becoming the person I’m meant to be.

2 years ago I was an empty cup, the contents poured away down the drain, thinking that it would never be filled again. What do you do with a cracked cup that no longer holds anything? You throw it away, or fix it? I have learnt to fix the cracks and have started to refill the empty cup with knowledge. The contents of this cup are new, I am a new person and as the cup fills I move further towards the person I am meant to be. I am close to overflowing, all this new learning and a realisation that I have been ill for a very long time. I can add whatever I like to the cup and sometimes the crack will open up. However, I have now learnt that I can always fix the cracks and refill the cup.

I guess what I’m trying to say in a long winded way is that after a catastrophic event you are a blank canvas and it’s up to you to rebuild yourself with lots of support and knowledge. Self awareness and a realisation that everyone deserves a second chance at life, love and dreams is a wonderful release. Anyone can achieve it if they want it enough.