A short blog today and another rough night with very vivid dreams that when I awoke left me bitterly disappointed. I started writing at 6 this morning about my daughter and the time she become very ill. Its not a good read, there can be no humour in something like that. However, as I wrote I remembered all the funny times in my life and there are many of them. I will write about a lot of them because I have had an interesting life. Ive nearly died 6 times. I am a jack of all trades and a master of some. I have three wonderful children. I have loved and been loved by four amazing women. I have met famous people and I have been in a few films. I got to speak one word on screen. I have travelled all over and met some interesting wonderful people and in general the good have outweighed the bad. Ive been bad and Ive been good and again I hope the scales fall towards the good.
Im still not eating. I cooked another chicken stir fry and only ended up eating three bits of chicken…..so back onto the protein shakes. I was horrified at the amount of sugar in normal milk so have swopped over to almond milk. Its not something Id ever put on cornflakes or in my tea but its ok mixed with my vegan protein powder. Not only have I lost weight but I think Im allergic to dairy. Im sure I will eat eventually but by eating I feel like im letting myself down. Im up to 80 press ups a day (in batches of 20, 25 and even 30 today!) and Im looking forward to playing football again.
Today was a good day, not wonderful or amazing or superlative but good. Good is good enough at the moment. Im not expecting miracles and I know that I have a lot of work to do before I consider myself on the way to understanding and recovery. It is only 23 days since I tried to kill myself and I have lots of work to do. When you think about it Im not doing too bad. I make no apologies for using Dickens again as he was an expert on the human condition;
'Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them, for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good , at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him.
Glad your day was better :)